Polenta Potatoes

  • Swig of olive oil
  • 1 onion
  • 3 Yukon gold potatoes
  • 2 large carrots
  • 2 celery stalks
  • Garlic
  • Sea salt
  • Bay leaves, thyme, black pepper
  • Veg stock
  • Quick grits

Chop the veggies and saute in the olive oil. Add herbs and spices. Cook a bit to mingle flavors. Add veg stock and simmer for 30 mins. Mash veggies. Add quick grits and stir occasionally for 5 mins. Kill the heat and eat. Make great left overs.

Beechwold Salad

For best effect, dance in your kitchen to Joy Division, Closer, during preparation and consumption of the following salad:

  • 2-3 dates, chopped
  • 1/4 c toasted almond
  • 1 avocado, smush it around with the other stuff
  • Some lettuce or other leafy green
  • 1/3 c shredded cabbage
  • 1/2 c garbanzo and/or kidney beans
  • 2 T olive oil
  • Drizzle red wine vinegar to taste
  • Spices, salt, pepper, nut yeast to taste, stir it around until the avocado starts making a cream sauce with the oil and vinegar

Eat alone.

Ginger Snausage Dumplings

My best friend gave me a Dolly Parton sweatshirt. My wardrobe is complete.

Ginger Snausage Dumplings

  • 1/4 tube Gimme Lean vegan snausage, pinched into chunks
  • Spoonful of sugar
  • Thumb sized chunk grated ginger
  • Green onions, chopped, to taste
  • 10 wonton wrappers

Mix the snausage, ginger, sugar and green onions together in a bowl. Spoon the mixture into the center of a dumpling wrapper. Wet the corner of the wrapper and pinch it shut. Steam 10 mins. Good with a dipping sauce but I don’t have a good recipe for that. SORRY.

SAD and Perfect Granola

Seasonal Affective Disorder is this hilarious game you play with your eyeballs and your brain from December to February. You will always lose the game. Eventually you will be completely dead inside and only motivated to get off the couch by money.

After 20 years of trying and failing, I have finally perfected homemade granola. It is not healthy in any fucking way, but it’s vegan. And if you need more calories because your body is wasting away, you will be happy to consume those life giving carbs, fats, and fibers via this granular vehicle.

The Perfect Granola

  • 1/2 c coconut oil or other high heat oil
  • 1/2 c brown sugar or some other sugar wtf cares
  • 2 c rolled oats
  • 1 c all ur other toppings mixed together, such as coconut shreds, sesame seeds, hemp seeds, sunflower seeds, nuts, dates, cinnamon, cardamom, salt

Combine oil and sugar in a stovetop pot. On medium high heat, watch the pot carefully and stir constantly while the sugar melts. Don’t let it burn, that would taste gross.

Once the sugar has melted, turn off the burner, dump in the cup of toppings and 1/3 of the oats. Stir this around and form clumps. Add the rest of the oats, stir a few times, then dump out mixture into a glass pie plate.

Press the granola to smush it together and form bigger chunks. Toast under 300° for 15 mins. It should smell toasted when it’s done.

Cool completely. Store in an air tight container. Jk ur gonna eat it all the day you made it because winter has turned u into a junk food craving smeagle.

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started