Pain Flares

Until I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease, pain always had a purpose. Something hurt because I smashed, cut, burned, bruised, or otherwise maimed myself. Then came a new chapter of my life: mysterious pain flares.

Inflammatory and Auto-Immune diseases are unique in their ability to inflict random pain on their unwitting victims. Example: I just woke up, and I can’t turn my head. My neck is frozen in agonizing pain. Why, you ask? No reason, just lucky I guess. Example: I stood up and threw out my back for two weeks. ???

Around the time I came down with Crohn’s disease, my best friend was afflicted with Fibromyalgia. While I would never wish unrelenting pain on my bestie, we have both found solace in each others discomfort, and help each other problem solve ways to reduce the pain. They, more ardently than I, as my pain comes and goes, and theirs is unremitting.

Heating pads. Acupressure. Hot balls of pink Himalayan sea salt. Back pokers. Shoulder jabbers. Once I laid on a wooden toy onion that was just the right size to hit the pressure point in my butt cheek. Foam rollers. Yoga positions. Working out. Laying down. Muscle relaxers. Kratom. Ben Gay. Icy Hot. Tiger Balm. CBD lotion. CBD tincture. CBD oil capsules. Massage. Acupunture. Steroids. Tylenol. Tramadol. Purple Gorilla. Kush Wreck. Clementine.

Crohn’s disease is hell on my joints, especially during flares. For a year after my flare, I still experienced random excruciating pain, mostly in my knees, elbows, back, shoulders, and neck. I spent one week in bed high on Tramadol and medical marijuana in the worst pain in my life when my tailbone suddenly became inflamed. I would wake up gasping in pain as electric boa constrictors crushed my spine. I requested an x-ray from my PCP the pain was so terrible. Incidentally, I seriously disturbed my friend who had to drive me to the hospital, as getting in and out of the car, and even walking, required the greatest finesse, and large amounts of screaming and swearing.

Results of the x-ray? “Looks normal! Seems fine!”

Luckily the pain subsided after about 7 days, just in time for me to start my new full-time job teaching History, an ominous beginning to my dream career that I still truly hope won’t be sabotaged by this stupid incurable disease.

The point is there is no point. Bodies just hurt sometimes, in ways that are inconceivable until they happen to you. The doctors can’t see anything wrong, and their medicines don’t work, because there isn’t recognizable trauma, just chronic and unrelenting pain. Research suggests chronic pain leads to more chronic pain, as the neural pathways for pain receptors reinforce themselves over time. People with chronic pain experience pain differently than people without it. It is an entirely different beast.

You have to do what makes you feel good, or at least less terrible. You have to take time to rest, and writhe around in pain, and give your body a chance to work it out. Practice self-care and be gentle with yourself, this pain isn’t your fault.