Acceptance that something is wrong in the state of your colon.
Action plan develops. Grocery shop for flare foods. Make an appointment with your doctor. Keep up with food diary and go over your data, again.
Deflation. Reliving medical trauma. Activate PTSD. Depression. Feeling like you have done this to yourself. Feeling there is no hope. Wondering when you will have surgery. Ostomy fear.
Everything seems inevitable, incurable, and the lack of agency in the direction of my treatment is very troubling.
But of all of it, the timing is the worst. A year of quarantine and we are finally ready to go back to school in a hybrid capacity! So much hope and excitement and feeling of responsibility to really nail it for the remainder of the year. And then you aggressively shit 3 times in an hour and all of the energy and vitality drains out of you.
It sure feels like a dead end, but somewhere under the upsetting and terrified feelings is some kind of hope that we, me and my colon, can get better.
Time to sign up for FML AYYYYYY
Eating Vegan with Crohn's Disease 